Hell, she wouldn't even let me see her boobs! And it really was pissing me off that if I rescued her one more time with no reward, I'd end up ramming Yoshis tongue so hard up between her legs she'd split in two. I'd battle all these goombas and flying turtles, risk life and death on land, sea, air, and even lava, you've got all these enemies trying to kill me wherever I went, and what did I get when I took out King Koopa? A fucking kiss! Just a fucking kiss, nothing else. As he told Mad Magazine in 1967: "The bitch wasn't worth the effort. Lou told Luigi to go rescue her himself this time, because a simple kiss for rescuing her was not enough for Lou. Lou found himself constantly having to rescue the princess all the time, and by the time Koopa kidnapped her for the 5th time in a 10 year period, Lou said, "Fuck it, the bitch isn't worth it anymore". Lou was dubbed Super Mario, and took on the evil forces of King Koopa with the help of his brother, Luigi, to help save a princess by the name of Peach Toadstool. Lou would rise in ranks to become the captain of the vessel U.S.S Star Power. Lou would attend the University of Yoshi's Island until he was drafted into the Navy in 1951 to take on the evil forces of King Koopa.
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